


Throameo And Juliet

by imnottrashimrecycling



Category: Gnomeo and Juliet (2011), Panic! at the Disco, The Heart Rate of a Mouse Series - Anna Green
Genre: Africa-freeform, But im going to write this, Cas this is your fucking fault, Crack, HOW QUEER, I'm Sorry, M/M, Prepare for some fun kiddos, Shakespeare and anna green are characters now childrne, This is probably going to be influenced by africa, This is what i get for existing, johny johny - Freeform, no papa thurston, open your ao3, telling lies, writing sin, yes papa thurston
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-07-05 18:38:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15869448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imnottrashimrecycling/pseuds/imnottrashimrecycling
Summary: Cas fuckign made me write a gnomeo and juliet/throam crack fic so this is what yall get I'm so sorry if you were in the ryden tag and found this





	1. You're In For A Fuckign CAr Crash

**Author's Note:**

  * For [phantasmalresplendent](https://archiveofourown.org/users/phantasmalresplendent/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Volume 1: Over the Tracks - I](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10730553) by [Anna (arctic_grey)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/arctic_grey/pseuds/Anna). 



> I'm listening to my depression playlist which is mostly just africa by toto

I should never be trusted to write a fic of any kind, not because I am a bad writer, but because I scar many, many children with my crack fics. This is a story retold many times, especially by annoying la teachers and ryden stannies.

_Two gays, both alike in denial, In fair 70's, where we lay OH SHIT THE COVER OF WHATS THIS BY FOB JUST CAME ON our scene, From ancient longing, Break to new relationship, HOW QUEER Where no homo makes homos unclean. From forth the fatal loins ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) of these two bros..._


	2. Two Bros Chilling In A House Of Dignity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning

"Ah, Ms. Green, out you come to ruin my day." Wouldiwas Shookspeared  _yote_ from  his mouth.  _that fucking anna,_ he thought,  _out to ruin everyones life with a 70's au._ Well no more.

"HAVE A TASTE OF MY HOE!" he shouted, and nobody was sure if he meant Cordelia or his gardening implement.

Ms. Green was confused as to why she was in a fucking crack fic.

"CRASH! BANG! SMOKE!"  _YEET!_ " the hoe went. It was a t h i c c hoe.

Anna screamed, and was dead instantly. No more fucking heartbreak for you anna. The gnomes of her yard proceeded to run the property, not letting the local police department enter.

Brendon watched this happen from his yard.  _this is so sad,_ he  **thot** ,  _gnomexa play despayeeto._ The blues would not have an owner again.  _Free,_ they thought,  _finally free._

~~hi I'm bella thorne and if you're reading this the next chapter will have ryden~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uwu anna green I'm sorry why did I write this


	3. Ryan's Only Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet me in room 708 ;;;;))

Ryan was writing in the bush he often sat in in the Red garden,  ~~idk how he would be able to write since he's literally made out of porcelain but okay~~ when he heard a familiar rustling of the bush.  _Fuck,_ he toht windowed,  _it's Frisky._ Frisky was  ~~his only friend~~ a terrible nuisance, being a small squirrel but  ~~pretty~~ oddly intelligent, always wanting know what he was doing. He closed the page of his notebook, letting his dead, painted eyes glare at Frisky.

"Frisky, what now?" he asked. 

"Ryan! I just saw a Room 708 orchid growing on top of that weirdly painted greenhouse, the one with vintage flowers!"

Ryan knew that greenhouse. He also knew that orchid. It was prized in beauty. He scrambled up from his position, climbing up the side of the bush. There it was, shaped like Shane Valdez' heart ripped out. Just shot out. Yote out from his chest.

"Oh my god, Frisky, that's amazing."

"I know, right? Let's go pick it before someone else does."

The two rushed off,  ~~again I'm not sure how bc ryan is a fuckign gnome~~ eager to get the flower. When they got to the  ~~pretty~~ odd greenhouse, they hesitated.

"Frisky, you stay down here and make sure no one sees us. Okay?"

"Okay."  ~~tfios whom anna and John must be related~~

 ~~~~Little did Ryan know that someone else was climbing the anna greenhouse at the same time.


	4. The Frickfrackhouse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some orb descriptions ;;;;;(((

Ryan ran up to the greendayhouse  ~~w h e n y o u r e w a l k I N g~~  , as fast as he could on his stubby, china legs, Frisky on his tail  ~~ha ha get it bc gnomes don't have tails they have government issued hats .~~  
  
"Ryan, do you want to get fukcign smashed?" Frisky asked.  ~~uwu yes of course he did ;;;;;)~~  
  
Ryan turned around, malice in his eyes ( _tu eres malicia con delicadeza_ ). "Frisky, what the he*k?" he just. Spoke. In Russian.  
  
"Ryan how did you h****** pronounce an asterisk?"  
  
"Idk anymore I think it's the result of that one time I hooked up with biggie"  ~~oo will we see evidence of that s h r e xy time l8ter~~  
  
Frisky, in all his squirrelness,  ~~s-i-m-p squirrels in ma pants~~  sighed.  
  
It was a long sigh.  
  
Ryan, being awkward, finger gunned and then said yeah boiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.  
  
(uwu let's get back to the story not the future)  
  
Ryan and Frisky looked up at the emeraldhouse, upon which was the Room 708 flower.  
  
"Twould put the Blue garden to shame," said Frisky. Frisky then started singing the Spiderman theme song, except replacing Spiderman in the song with throam ryan: ryan no homo ross. It was shrexcellent tbh, much better than anything that candy east could do.  
  
"Did I mention I like d i c c," Ryan just fucking said. "Especially if it is brengnome's." ~~ryan you haven't even met him yet calm down~~  
  
He then started to climb up the side of the purpleisthecolorof _fuck_ house, finding porcelain holds along the side. He shouted out with glee  ~~rudolph the red nosed reindeer you'll go down in history remember me for centuries~~  as he reached the top. He s w i f t l y be rolling down the street, lifting his leg over the top of the ihobhouse. Ryan reached out for the flower, but his hand brushed up against someone else's.  
  
Ryan looked up into those azure orbs, those cerulean eyes, those emerald spheres,  ~~brendon's eyes are brown but go off I guess~~  and softly gasped.   
  
"Henlo," Brenbitch said, wink wanking both eyes, what a lad, "is this your orchid?"  
  
"I, uhh, know how to speak," Ryan mcstuttered.  ~~mood tbh~~  
  
Brednib was so fucking delighted, his bae could speak, his soulmate knew prose, thancc jesus, bible studies hinself.  
  
Frisky was just watching this happen from the bottom of the frickfrackhouse because he's a stalker.  
  
Brendon then said something very important. "meet me in room 708" lol no is this throam? I think the fuck not you n a u g h t y chilren of jesus. Instead, he said, "would you like to see my meme collection?"  
  
"Of course can we get married now?" Ryan asked.  
  
~~not without papa thurston's consent~~  
  
A crowd had now gathered under the weatherhouse. Popular guests include: johny johny, papa thurston, biggie hinself, and of course, a bad boy that can fit so much depres sion in it. Brendfuckingnome was getting exasperated at this point tbh.  
  
~~and then they got married by biggie cheese the end~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol no they don't get married is this shrek? I think the fuck not


	5. Frisky Gets Risky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm back babey with horrible fanfiction

Ryan felt as though he'd been staring into this guy's orbs for a while. He needed to say something and because he's spectacularly bad at most things, this is what he said:

"Why are you on top of this greenhouse?"

"I came to get this orchid because I needed something pretty to decorate my gnome hovel and there's not much pretty stuff round these parts. 'Cept you, of course," Bastard said.

Ryan had no fucks to give. "Bitch, I came up here to get this orchid. You think you're gonna get my custom Gucci orchid? Fuck no. I climbed up a glass fucking wall to get up here. Do you know how hard that is? To climb up a glass wall with fucking china arms? In this economy? Fucking try me, bitch. Anyway, this is my flower and my greenhouse. Painted it myself." Ryan, in fact, did not paint the greenhouse. 

Brendon figured he didn't paint it .However, he didn't want to argue with this gnome guy after that eloquent statement . He decided to rationalize with the fucker like any (red? Blue? Does anyone remember what color he is?) Montague gnome would do.

"Wanna arm wrestle for it?"

Ryan was a pusillanimous gnome.

"Fuck no."

"Alright then, my orchid."

Brendon began to reach for the orchid to pull on it. However, before he could yank it up, he heard a high-pitched voice from the bottom of the greenhouse. 

Frisky had had e-fucking-nough. He had patiently waited for Ryan and now he was preoccupied with someone else at the top of the greenhouse. It had already been a bad idea to try to get the Room 708 orchid, and now there was somebody else up there. 

Frisky then decided to imitate the voice of a wealthy heterosexual woman in the 30's to lure Ryan and the unknown speaker to the ground. He would then punch the guy's fucking lights out. Nothing would stand between Frisky and Ryan being bff's forever. 

"Excuse me," he sang, putting his paws on his chubby hips, "who is this great hunk of  **m a n** up there with you, Ryan?" 

The voice startled Brendon so much that he jumped down the other side of the greenhouse, sprinting off into the night.

"I'll come back for you and the flower later!" he yelled in a Southern accent (because apparently he's Southern now), not looking back as he serpentined through the bushes.

Ryan just sighed. Could he get a break?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is a piece of shit but hey I wrote another chapter! Smash that mf kudos button and don't send this to Anna


End file.
